I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
