guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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