Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
