I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
