Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
