dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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