when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
