God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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