My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
