so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
