We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize