I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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