Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
