In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
