he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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