I can text with my tongue
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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