no, he came in my armpit
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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