she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
