it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Green mimosas i think yes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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