Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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