sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize