get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize