I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
