i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
