Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
