Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
