Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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