My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
