I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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