Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
