I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
