soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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