why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
