I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
