You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
