he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
