I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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