So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
