ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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