And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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