nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
