she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize