Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
