worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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