I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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