I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
