I need help removing her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
