when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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