I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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