ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize