I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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