Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
