i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
