it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
