I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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