I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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