I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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