he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize