I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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