I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
