there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
