I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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