You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
FUCK WHALES
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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