i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
