My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
