i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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