but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
