guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
