I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Randomize
