yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
