I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
