and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
